Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi

Cabella, Italy
15 September 2002 

I’m very happy to see you all in such a beautiful dresses, bridal dressesand also in a good mood to get married. You must keep up your attitude – all right? You should be happy people, and try to keep your husbands also happy. Your happiness can create happiness for the children.

Now one thing I want to warn you: not to tell your husband about anything which was wrong in your past life. That’s not to be done, there’s no need, because you are now Sahaja Yogis. You are changed people and whatever has happened has happened, you need not talk about it or tell him anything about it, but talk of the future and the present – all right? So, be sensible! It’s your sensibility which is going to make a happy married life. If you become insensible, there’s no wisdom, then marriages will fail.

Some girls, I’ve seen, dominate their husbands too much. There is no need to dominate. If you love the husband that’s how the domination is, is the best way is to love your husband, look after him, do whatever is needed, because no use showing off that you are from a better society or a better culture or a better family background. It’s only you who can show that you are really a good person and your goodness will win him over.

So it’s only the wife who makes or spoils the marriage. And I have to tell you very frankly that if you still have some doubts about your marriage or if you are still thinking this was not a good match you should withdraw now. And later on you should not go on finding faults with your husband. See, men are men and women are women. Men cannot be women but, you can make them understand that women are to be respected. All right, and how – that you will have to see by your behaviour. If your behaviour is good, they’ll respect you. But if your behaviour is childish or if your behaviour is aggressive, no man can appreciate a woman who is aggressive and so you should not be aggressive. Whatever he says you should agree and listen to him. Fundamental things of course is there, but otherwise for small, small things, you should not try to dominate your husband. It’s not a sign of a Sahaja Yogini. Sahaja Yogini has to – with love and understanding and wisdom – has to win over the husband and not by domination. This is one thing we should understand that many marriages are broken because of domination.

Second thing is, you’re naturally attached to your parents, attached to your family, attached to your country. But now, forget it! Be attached to your husband’s family, husband and things around. Because if you are attached to your family, you’ll still spoil the relationship. I’ve known many couples being broken because of this.

There was a girl who was very much worried about her father, because he’d lost the business and she made the whole life miserable. So the husband disappeared and he wanted to do something else and she was left in the lurch and she had to go to her father and then she realized how difficult it is to live in father’s house.

So, it’s your house, it’s your home, it’s your husband. All right, you don’t have to sort of go on searching another person or another woman who will help you. It’s you who can help yourself. All right, because now we have very bad experiences of some girls who have left their husband and come away to their families with their children. Is the family going to look after them all their lives?  Who is going to look after them?

So use your brain and don’t try to show off that you are something superior or something higher or you’re something more. Say something you should be humble. The humble you are the better it is. Otherwise arrogance doesn’t behove you.  She doesn’t look nice, she looks like a horse sometimes and looks like – I don’t know like what. So it is better to be humble and to be kind and to be nice and to prove that you are a good natured person. All right!

Second thing I have to tell you, because you are from the West. So western women are very much money-oriented, even Indians have become like that. They want a car, they want a house, they want this, they want that. You shouldn’t want anything. You are going to supply to your husband, to your family. You don’t need anything. That’s your beauty, that’s your decoration that will beautify you. But if you go on hankering after ‛I want this, I want that“ there’s no end to it. Especially with western mind, they are very money-oriented and have created such problems that I don’t know what to say to them.

So, second thing is that you should not be money-oriented, but you should be love-oriented. Express your love by different things. By making good food, by making a good bed for your husband, for organizing the house, keeping everything nice. Because if the housewife is untidy the house will remain untidy. It’s not the job of the husband to look after the house. You’ll enjoy a very beautiful house and a very beautiful room, if you keep it properly.

So you should enjoy all that. Enjoy doing everything for the family. Especially for your husband. Little, little things can – you see – give him pleasure and happiness. Because he’s so tired working in the office. Coming home so tired and then you get after that person, is very wrong. So you must change that attitude that we don’t want anything. You have everything, you are Sahaja Yogis, you are absolutely satisfied. But if you go on demanding then going to be very difficult I can tell you this much.

I’ve had very, very bad experiences of some girls. Say from Austria recently, three girls went away back to Austria, it’s shameful. Is there anybody from Austria here? No. Thank God! You are from Austria? Wa, Wa! Now, be careful! You see these, the three girls have come back with the children. And the husband is so dominated that he has to go to the father’s house every Saturday, Sunday. He’s spending all that money in going down. That doesn’t show any wisdom. You see, the housewife, not only makes the family grow, but bring good name and understanding.

There’s nothing to suffer much, but understanding is required, you see. Supposing, if you are wise and if something happens, take a very wise attitude, balanced attitude, responsible attitude. Wife has to be much more responsible than man as far as the family is concerned, children are concerned. But if you are a hot tempered woman, God save you and save your husband. So, hot temper is not suitable at all for any woman. If you are hot tempered you’ll start looking old very soon. Very soon you will start looking old, and if you have ego, if you think too much of yourself also same thing will happen. So, best thing is to behave like a little girl who has come to husband’s house to love him, to look after him and to mother him. You have to think that you are his mother and he – sometimes they are foolish according to your judgement – doesn’t matter. So, look after them just like your baby and be nice and sweet to them. All right?

And none of your family people are more important than your husband. That is very important. For you now the most important thing your husband. This is a Sahaja style of marriage. And you can have other marriages, you can have ten marriages – that’s different, not in Sahaja Yoga. And once you are divorced then we don’t marry you. We have given up, we tried that. Now we don’t do that. Because it becomes a habit of divorcing your husband. Once you are married you should be all married and if you want to divorce then know before this thing that we’ll have nothing to do with you. And you’ll be thrown away from Sahaja Yoga.

We want to have very good marriages and very good children. Also the progeny, the future of children will be very good, if you are sensible, wise, good and kind mothers. I’ve told you sufficiently. I hope you understand that you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga. And you have to keep the prestige of Sahaja Yoga, all right? You all promise that?

May God bless you!